


Abandoned Shack

by izzy8560



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Depression, Gen, M/M, Self-Harm, Video & Computer Games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-23 11:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/926033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izzy8560/pseuds/izzy8560
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The newcomer at Achievement Hunter has more to him than everyone realizes. Everyone but one curious Michael Jones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Broken

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: self-harm, depression. Hope you enjoy it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gavin was a sick, sick boy. He reminded me of an abandoned old shack, so worn down that it was impossible to enter. Any attempt to get inside would only lead to splinters and scratches; it was never worth trying. At his best, I could catch him off guard and sneak a smile out of him. At his worst…well, he never let anyone see him at his worst, not even me."

Gavin was a sick, sick boy. He reminded me of an abandoned old shack, so worn down that it was impossible to enter. Any attempt to get inside would only lead to splinters and scratches; it was never worth trying. At his best, I could catch him off guard and sneak a smile out of him. At his worst…well, he never let anyone see him at his worst, not even me. Whenever he felt an attack coming on, he would quickly and quietly get up from his desk and leave, without a single goodbye. I’d rush home after work to check up on him, but his apartment would be locked, and he wouldn’t respond to my knocks or shouts.

I still remember the day, not too long ago, when he first arrived at the RoosterTeeth office. Geoff introduced him to Jack, Ray, Ryan and me, and he seemed so awkward and shy, I couldn’t help but to laugh.

“What’s up, Michael?” Geoff asked.

I smiled. “Nothing, it’s…nothing. Welcome to the team, Gavin.”

He nodded, and took his place at the corner desk to the right of mine. I turned to my left, where Ray was chuckling to myself and shaking his head. I slid closer to him and leaned in close. “What an idiot, eh? He’s shaking in his boots!”

I laughed then, but now I regret it. I’ll admit, I was in the same boat as Ray, judging Gavin based on first impressions. As time passed, something about him got on my nerves. I couldn’t quite grasp why Geoff had hired him, as he was awful at video games, and he never left me alone. Everything was “Michael” this and “Michael” that. I often stopped to ask myself, ‘why me?’ I tried screaming at him, insulting him, but at the end of the day he always came back to me. He would walk me to my car, wave goodbye as I drove away, and text me until I fell asleep.

A month after we’d met, he called me up one Saturday evening and asked if he wanted to come over and hang out. At this point I’d started getting used to him being around 24/7, so I accepted. I showed up at 6:30, having grabbed dinner on the way there, and I awkwardly knocked on the door. As I waited, I looked at the exterior of his small house; there wasn’t anything special that distinguished it from the other houses on the street, but it did have charm. It was close to the office, too, which was convenient. I knew I shouldn’t have expected anything special, since he’d just moved to Austin from somewhere in England. 

I stepped back after hearing the door open, and a fresh-out-of-the-shower Gavin quietly invited me in. “Thanks for coming over, Michael.”

“No problem,” I replied, taking my shoes off. “Why’d you invite me here, anyway?”

“Well, I…I don’t know, I just thought we could have a beer, play some video games, whatever you want.”

I smiled, though I was a little taken aback. I’d thought there would be a real reason for him to have invited me over, rather than just to play video games, but still, I was flattered.

We sat down on the couch, behind a coffee table covered in Xbox games. There was a case of beer beside it, and two controllers on the cushion beside me. I opened up the bag and began pulling out the food I’d ordered. “I got an extra burger for you, in case you’re hungry.”

“No, I, uh…no thanks, Michael.”

“Come on, Gav!”

“No, really, I’m not into fast food.”

“Well, you should be, if you turned sideways you’d disappear! What d’you weigh, 30 pounds?” I joked, poking him in the side.

He looked down at his lap, not laughing at all. “Okay.” 

He took the burger from me, and began taking small bites from the bun. I could see his hands shaking as he brought it close to his mouth. I watched it quickly turn from elegant nibbles to devouring the whole burger in three bites. 

“Whoa, calm down! You want some fries?”

He took the bag from me, and I watched him struggle to eat only one fry at a time, eventually finishing off every last one. After looking in the empty bag and back at me, his eyes filled with tears, most likely of embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I uh…”

“No, no, don’t worry about it,” I replied. I wasn’t exactly okay with him eating all of my food, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

“I’ll be right back.”

He quickly got up and headed down a hallway off to the right, turning into what I assumed to be the bathroom. I heard the sink tap come on, spouting water at full blast, and before I knew it he was back out here, on the couch beside me. 

“So what now?” he asked, his breath smelling strongly of cinnamon.

“Well, what games you got?”

“Uh…well…” he muttered, shuffling through the games on his table. “Anything catch your eye?”

I grabbed the case for the newest Call of Duty game. “You any good at Call of Duty?”

“Well…no, not really, to be honest,” he blushed. “It’s fun, though, we can play if you want.”

“Alright, let’s play!”

That choice was a mistake, one of the bigger mistakes I’d ever made. I knew I was good at Call of Duty (I was no Ray, but I was pretty proud of my KD ratio), but I never could’ve imagined how terrible Gavin was. After an hour, he’d died nearly 50 times, and the few kills he’d had were due to terrible spawn, or sheer luck.

“Wow, Gavin, could you suck any harder?” I laughed. I watched his eyes focused on the screen; it was clear based on his facial expression that he’d heard my comment, but also that he really was trying his hardest. I couldn’t help but feel bad for him, but I kept making crude comments without thinking. “You might want to think about switching to the other team!”

As the match ended, I watched him drop his controller onto his lap and clutch onto his beer as if his life depended on it. He had his hands around the neck of the bottle so tightly that I could see all of the veins popping out in his wrists. “Let’s play something else.”

He took the game disc out of the Xbox and switched over to the games he had installed on the hard drive. I happened to look away, grabbing another beer, while he chose the game, and as I waited for it to boot up, he smirked to himself.

“Marble Blast Ultra?” I asked, almost amazed at how ridiculous it sounded. “Are you kidding me?”

I could tell I’d crushed his excitement. “Um…y-yeah, it was the first game I’d ever played on the Xbox. You’re going down this time, that’s for sure.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, whatever.”

After choosing our marbles and going through the levels, I began noticing a pattern: Gavin won every time, he’d look over at me while I laughed at the stupidity of the game, and his smile would fade. To me, my poor-sportiness was all in good fun, but Gavin wasn’t having it.

“I think that’s enough of this game,” he said. “It’s pretty obvious who the winner was.”

“Let’s be honest here, I wasn’t even trying. That game was retarded. Anyone could be good at it.”

“….Michael…” His voice flickered, as if he was about to cry.

“What next?”

He looked at me, his eyes sinister. “Michael, I need you to leave this house right now.”

I raised my eyebrow. “What?”

He dropped his half-empty bottle, splashing beer all over the carpet. “Leave, Michael.” I scooted closer, watching his eyes fill with tears. “Get out! Get the hell out!”

I got up, just as he began crying. He slowly leaned forward, his sobs getting louder and louder, and I wanted so bad just to comfort him. I wanted to hold him, catch his tears on my shoulder, rub his back as he screamed into my chest. I knew how badly he wanted me to leave, though, so I did.


	2. Shunned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I knew the reason he kicked me out was the same reason as why he often left the office without a word, the same reason why he would lock himself in his house for days on end. I was so curious; I wanted to know exactly what was going on."

I knew the reason he kicked me out was the same reason as why he often left the office without a word, the same reason why he would lock himself in his house for days on end. I was so curious; I wanted to know exactly what was going on. Truth be told, I probably cared about him a little too much. Ray would often pick on me, asking me if I was ‘in love with him’. ‘No,’ I’d reply. ‘He’s the new guy, though, I have to look out for him.’

After stepping out, I heard him shut a door from within, either the bathroom or his bedroom. He hadn’t locked the front door, though, and the asshole in me thought it was a great idea to quietly sneak back into his house.

It was the bathroom he was in; I could hear the tub filling up. Maybe he wanted to take a hot bath, I thought, or maybe…I stopped my thought process there. I could hear him sobbing, taking breaks only for muffled screams, screams I’d never heard before, screams that sent chills down my spine. God, I wanted to leave so bad, but I knew that it didn’t matter whether I left or stayed, because either way I was a horrible person. There was no ‘right choice’ at this point.

As silently as I could, I approached the bathroom door. He was crying so hard, and it really broke my heart. At that time I really didn’t understand why; I assumed it was because of my prior comments, but I didn’t quite understand how what I’d said could’ve made him so upset. I knew it had to be more.

I heard a splash, followed by a large volume of water hitting the bathroom tiles. I heard him curse and get up out of the tub, spilling more water. I stepped back from the door, praying to the God I didn’t believe in that he didn’t open it. I felt something wet hit my feet, and as I looked down, I jumped back in shock. It was water, presumably from the bath, but it was tinged with red, and smelled faintly metallic. Just the thought of how much blood would be needed to dye a tub full of water red made me sick. 

I left the house, knowing he’d soon leave the bathroom to clean up the mess. I closed the front door as quietly as I could and sat on his porch steps, trying hard not to cry. I had no clue what to do, and my guts were telling me to call him, try and get some information out of him, so I did.

As the phone rang on the other line, I gritted my teeth together, forcing the tears back. He answered, finally.

“Michael?”

“Gavin, uh…” I clearly hadn’t thought everything through; I knew I wanted to call him, but I had nothing to say.

“Is everything…why are you calling?”

“I…yeah, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“…I’m fine.”

“You sure? I really didn’t want to leave you, I just-”

“I’m fine, Michael.” His tone was grim.

“…Gavin, I really care about y-”

“Michael, for the last time, I’m fine.” 

I sighed. “Okay…”

“Get off my porch.” He hung up.

I looked down at my phone, watching his name disappear from the screen. I looked back at the windows facing the front of his house, but he wasn’t there. Following his orders, I got up and went back to my car, pulling out of his driveway and leaving. I didn’t want to go home just yet, even though it was approaching 10pm, so I headed to the nearest park and sat on the bench. The cool air against my face was relaxing, and helped clear my mind. 

I was never an uncaring person, but I never let myself get too involved with other people’s personal lives. When Ray had lost his grandmother the year prior, I comforted him, but I declined his invitation to the funeral. It wasn’t that I didn’t care…I just didn’t want to be around a bunch of sad people for 5 hours. If one of my coworkers had a bad day, I was rarely there to comfort them. I felt sympathy, not empathy.

What was it about this dumb British boy that made my stomach flip upside down, though? It had to be the way he clung onto me, subtly manipulating my thoughts. I must’ve accidentally let him inside, let him tug on my heartstrings until I started pitying him. Pity was all it was…at least, that’s what I told myself. Truth be told, I really, really cared. As annoying as he was, and how angry he made me, I just wanted him to be happy.

Darkness quickly filled the air, and though I wasn’t ready to go home, I hated being alone. I decided to call Ray, just to hear his voice, to hear someone’s voice.

“Hello?”

“Hey Ray, it’s Michael.”

“Michael, sup? I heard that Gavin kid invited you to his house. Did you actually go?”

“Yeah, it was actually pretty fun.”

He laughed; I could tell he was ridiculing me. “God, I can’t believe you actually put up with him. He’s unbelievable.”

“…what do you mean?”

“With that stupid accent and nonsensical questions…it takes everything in me not to punch that shithead in the face.”

“Ray, he’s really not that bad…”

“It’s embarrassing to be hanging around him. Hell, it’s almost embarrassing for me to be hanging around someone who talks to him!”

“…Ray, honestly…”

“Promise me you’ll stop associating yourself with him.”

I had nothing else to say, so I hung up. Ray’s comments were only fuel to the already-out-of-control fire. It really was heartbreaking how much everyone in the office hated Gavin…except for me, of course. I…well, I didn’t love him, that’s for sure. I cared, though, and I knew I was the only one who could help. I needed to force my way into that abandoned shack if anything was to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me for making Ray a total jerk haha. Hope you liked it! I know it was kind of a filler chapter; hopefully I can get into some real action soon.


	3. Splinter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gavin didn’t come into work the next day. I wasn’t surprised, after what had transpired the night before. I was happy, though; he needed the time to relax and recuperate. The others in the office were happy for other reasons."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: somewhat-graphic violence, language.

Gavin didn’t come into work the next day. I wasn’t surprised, after what had transpired the night before. I was happy, though; he needed the time to relax and recuperate. The others in the office were happy for other reasons.

“Finally, a day of peace,” I heard Geoff say. “That prick’s been questioning me non-stop since he first got here!” He then proceeded to mimic Gavin’s voice in an insulting tone.

“He’s been pretty quiet lately, though…” Ryan mumbled. Finally, someone with a respectable comment. “Thank God.” Never mind.

“Did you hear? Michael hung out with the idiot after work last night!” Ray spoke up. I turned toward him, narrowing my eyes, but he had the nastiest grin plastered on his face.

“Seriously? What the fuck, Michael?” Geoff exclaimed. The others showed their judgments by practically laughing in my face.

“He’s not that bad of a guy…” I said. I wasn’t going to change my opinion of Gavin just to please everyone else; I’d never stoop that low. “Yes, he can be annoying sometimes, but he’s funny…he’s incredibly nice, too.” Ray made smooching noises at my comments. “Shut up, Ray.” He laughed, turning his focus back to his computer.

As everyone began gossiping about Gavin to each other, I knew they hadn’t heard a word I’d said about him. My already-short temper had been chopped in half by their insults, and I could feel the blood rush to my face.

One more poke at Gavin that came out of Ray’s mouth was what set me off. “Hey Michael,” he said, turning to me. “Make sure to tell your boyfriend everything we said about him today. He’s so dumb, I’m sure he won’t even realize we were insulting him!”

“Ray, come with me.”

We both got up, and as I walked toward the door, he grabbed my wrist. “Whoa, whoa, where’re we going?”

I grabbed the wrist of the hand he was holding me with and pulled him close. “You’re coming with me, whether you like it or not.” I snarled.

I dragged him out of the Achievement Hunter office and through the front doors, into the parking lot. Being a lot heavier and stronger than he was, I shoved him against the wall, my palms firmly on either of his shoulders. My fiery gaze met his, which quickly turned from scared to amused. “This isn’t about is making fun of Gavin, is it? Michael, we were joking. Geez, you gotta learn how to take things lightly…”

Not knowing how to react to his lies, I let go of his left shoulder to punch him in the face. I heard his nose crack, and blood quickly began pouring out. “You little shit!” I lifted him off the wall and pushed him to the ground. He managed to catch his balance pretty quickly, grabbing a small but sharp rock off the ground and hitting me as hard as he could with it. The pain was almost unbearable, and after kicking him in the stomach, watching him fall backwards, I realized that he’d left a large gash just above my left eyebrow.

I leaned over him, blood from my face dripping onto his shirt. “Michael, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

One kick to the side was the last of it. “You know exactly what you did, you cunt.”

I stormed off, making it halfway down the street before realizing three things: I’d left in the middle of work, I didn’t have my car, and I didn’t have anywhere to go. My house was too far away, and I didn’t want to go anywhere near the building after what I’d done. I wouldn’t have been surprised if I was fired the second I went back.

I’d been mad before, but never that mad. I’d been in my fair share of fistfights, but never one that I’d started. I wasn’t the type of person to lay a hand on someone else, and I always took out my anger by yelling and screaming. I questioned whether Ray deserved what I’d done; I’d most certainly broke his nose, and I very well could’ve broken a rib or two. I hadn’t planned for it to go that far, but it did, and now I was in deep shit. As I headed down the street, now trudging along, blood dripped down my face and onto my shirt. It seemed like quite a bit of blood, but I’d seen more; I wasn’t too worried at that point.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and expecting it to be someone at the office waiting to berate me for what I’d done, I was surprised by what the caller ID displayed. “Gavin?”

“Michael, what the hell did you do to Ray?”

“Gavin…it was for y-…who told you?”

“Geoff just texted me. Can you come to my house?”

“I…yeah, I’ll be over in, uh…in a few minutes.” He hung up.

I turned around and quickly began heading toward Gavin’s house. I was excited to get to see him again, for a few reasons. It’d been two days since I’d seen the Brit, and just the thought of hearing his ridiculous but amusing accent sent my stomach into a frenzy. After the day I’d just had, I wanted nothing more than to see him. I also wanted to try and get some information out of him, about what had happened the night he kicked me out of his house. I knew it wasn’t safe to let him know that I was in the house during his ‘attack’, but I kept in mind how badly I wanted to know, and that may have been my only option. I approached the scratched, poorly painted front door that marked Gavin’s house. Before I could even knock, he opened up and pulled me inside.

After shutting the door, he let go of my wrist and turned toward me, his mouth dropping open. “Oh my God, Michael…”

I looked down, realizing then and there how much blood I’d lost. Though I’d finally stopped bleeding, the front of my shirt was soaked. The smell…it reminded me of the red water hitting my feet from beneath the bathroom door. My stomach lurched, and I ran into that same bathroom, collapsing in front of the toilet and letting go of my breakfast. 

“Oh my God…” He got up and ran into his bedroom, the next room over. I heard him shuffle through drawers, finally finding what he needed. After running back into the bathroom, he flushed the toilet and knelt beside me. “Here, let me take off your shirt. I have an extra one here, it’s the biggest one I have.”

I flung my arms over my head, allowing him to pull my current shirt over my head and force the new one on. I could feel his hands shaking violently the entire time. Gavin was a stick, so I wasn’t surprised that his biggest shirt still didn’t fit. I laughed, and after realizing what I was laughing at, he smiled.

He leaned over and opened up the cupboard under the sink, pulling out an old cloth and some peroxide. He poured some of it onto the cloth and cleaned my cut, holding my hand as I winced at the pain. I watched him look down at my face and arms, contemplating using the cloth to clean up the blood, but after realizing how much there was, he offered to let me take a shower. “Towels are in the cupboard there, just yell if you need me.”

With some struggle, I started the shower up and stood under the hot water, letting the blood flow off of my body. The red water was sickening, but my stomach was completely empty so I ended up falling to my knees and dry heaving. 

I heard Gavin come in the bathroom. “You okay, Michael? What was that?”

I coughed. “Nothing, I just…I slipped, that’s all.”

“Well, be careful, okay? I’ll be right outside, love.”

Love. ‘Love’. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Why did Gavin call me ‘love’? It had to be a British thing, right? There was no way he loved me…right?

I thought about it the entire time I stood in that shower. Gavin had always been clingy with me, from the day he arrived. He sat next to me, looked over at me and smiled. Sure, I was the only one who didn’t torment him to the point of tears, but even before that…he’d immediately taken a liking to me. Maybe, just maybe, Gavin had feelings for me.

By the time I got out of the shower, dried myself off, and put my clothes back on, I had so many questions. There were so many things I needed to talk to Gavin about; I just wasn’t sure how many answers I’d be able to get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :D


	4. Entry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I quietly opened the bathroom door, attempting to sneak out so I could catch Gavin off guard, see if he had been doing something suspicious while I was in the shower. It turns out he had just been making us sandwiches and ice cream sundaes. God, it really hurt how sweet this boy was, and how no one knew it but me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Uh...nothing, really. Just some cuteness and some sadness.

I quietly opened the bathroom door, attempting to sneak out so I could catch Gavin off guard, see if he had been doing something suspicious while I was in the shower. It turns out he had just been making us sandwiches and ice cream sundaes. God, it really hurt how sweet this boy was, and how no one knew it but me.

“Michael, how are you?” he asked as I walked into the kitchen. “I made you some food, if you’re hungry…”

“Yeah, thanks, Gav.” I looked down at the food; I hadn’t realized from afar that there was one sandwich and one bowl of ice cream. “What about you?”

He waved his hand. “I already ate, I’m fine.”

We sat down at the kitchen table, him across from me, and I ate what he’d made me. I’d look up at him every minute or so, knowing he was watching me eat, and he’d look away, either down at his hands or at the wall beside him. If I stared at him long enough, he’d look back at me, grinning, and ask how the food was. I’d laugh, tell him it was good, and keep eating. He’d sigh, still smiling, and go back to watching me. It could’ve been my imagination, but I swore I could hear his stomach growl every few minutes. 

“Hey…” I heard him whisper. I finished the spoonful of ice cream in my mouth before looking up. “…Can I ask you about something?” I nodded. “Why…what happened with you and Ray?”

I looked down at my ice cream, then back up at him. “You really want to know?”

“…It’s about me, isn’t it?”

I looked up at Gavin, but he was staring down at the table. “They were talking shit about you again. It’s their favourite thing to do when you’re not around.”

He sighed loudly. “I know…I’ve learned to deal with it.”

“Have you, though?” I asked, without even realizing it. Immediately, I winced at what I’d said, but I didn’t say anything, waiting for his reply.

“No…it really hurts, Michael.”

“Gavin…”

He looked up at me, his eyes watery. “Yeah, Michael?”

“…I don’t know. I just like the sound of your voice when you say my name.” He laughed. God, that smile of his was the most beautiful thing. That smile was what finally cleared my mind, and made me realize what I needed to do. “No, uh…I need to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?”

I leant over the table, trying to get comfortable in my chair. “You have to promise me you won’t get upset.”

“Oh…I think…is this about…” he stuttered, rubbing the side of his head. “Is this about why I kicked you out of my house?”

Once again, I looked over at him, but he refused to meet my gaze. “Yeah, and why you keep leaving the office all of a sudden. You want to talk about it?”

“No, not particularly.”

My heart skipped a beat. “You…you sure?”

“Michael, I don’t want to talk about it. I have my reasons, reasons you don’t need to know.”

Now was definitely not the time to tell him what I’d seen that night. He didn’t need to know that I’d heard the screams, seen the blood. “I’m sorry. I’ll…I’ll go home now.”

“That’d be nice.”

As I left the kitchen, I watched him carry my dishes to the sink, his hands shaking. I could’ve sworn I saw tears falling down his flushed cheeks, but maybe it was my imagination. Maybe I was secretly hoping that this was all a dream, that Gavin was fine and I was fine and everything was fine. I knew it was all a fabrication of my hopeful mind, though. There was something wrong with Gavin. The problem was, if he were to tell anyone about it, it would be me. I was all he had here. Sure, he could’ve told his family, but I knew he wouldn’t want to worry them. I knew that he hadn’t told anyone, and he was holding all of his emotions in…or taking them out on himself.

This time, I went straight home. I drove straight into my driveway and went straight to my room, where I broke down. I lay there and cried, out of sadness and anger. Everything that had been said at the office and at Gavin’s house was too much for me to handle. I was scared. No, I was terrified. I couldn’t lose Gavin…

The only thing I could think to do was to send him a text. ‘Gavin,’ I typed, ‘I just need you to know one thing: I can’t lose you. I wouldn’t be able to live if I were to somehow lose you. Just know that I’ll always be here for you. I stood up for you today and I’ll stand up for you for the rest of my life.’ Without realizing, I added, ‘I love you’ at the end just before sending it.

I waited and waited for way too long before getting my reply: ‘Michael, I love you, too. I just don’t want you knowing what I’m going through. It’s not you, honestly, I trust you with my life. If I tell you everything, you’ll regret wanting to know in the first place. It’s terrible, the things I do to myself, and I don’t want to drag you into all of this.’

I sighed. ‘You wouldn’t be dragging me into anything. Whatever’s going on, I want to be there for you, I want to comfort you in your time of need, help you get through what’s going on. I’ll do whatever I can to see you smile.’

The next text took a while to arrive. ‘That’s why I don’t want to tell you. You’d try and stop me. I don’t want to stop.’

My heart sank. ‘I understand.’

‘If you want,’ I read, ‘I’ll tell you what’s happening. I’ll show you everything. If you tell me to stop even once, if you tell anyone about it, if you try and get me help…you’ll never hear from me again.’

‘I just want to know what’s going on. I won’t regret asking, I promise. I just have one thing to tell you…’

‘What is it?’

I took off my glasses and wiped them on my shirt, clearing the fog and tears off, before replying. ‘When you kicked me out of your house, I snuck back in. I was so scared, and I didn’t want to leave you. I heard you crying in the bathroom, and when the water came under the door, I left because I knew you’d open the door to clean it. That’s why I was on your porch. Don’t be mad, please.’ I waited twenty minutes, but no reply came. ‘Gavin?’ Nothing.

At that point, I accepted the fact that Gavin was pissed at me, and that he probably wouldn’t speak to me again. I’d lost him, my biggest fear, because I was honest with him. Why was it my biggest fear, though? Gavin was just another person in my life. What made him so special?

Maybe it wasn’t Gavin. If anyone else had been so broken, I would’ve been there for them, no matter what. When Ray’s grandmother had passed away, I didn’t get involved because I couldn’t relate. Suicide, though, played a big part in my life. I’d lost someone close to me once, and I didn’t want it happening again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for keeping up with this story! :) Means a lot!


	5. Crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was terrified to go back to work the next day. After what I’d done, there was no doubt in my mind that Geoff would be on my case. Hell, I’d even considered moving back to Jersey and getting my old job back. I had to face him eventually, though, so I showed up ten minutes early, hoping to catch him alone. Lucky for me, Ray had the same idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: depression, self-harm, the usual. I was NOT expecting this to be as long as it is. Enjoy!

I was terrified to go back to work the next day. After what I’d done, there was no doubt in my mind that Geoff would be on my case. Hell, I’d even considered moving back to Jersey and getting my old job back. I had to face him eventually, though, so I showed up ten minutes early, hoping to catch him alone. Lucky for me, Ray had the same idea.

Ray, to put it lightly, looked awful. At the time, I hadn’t really realized what I was doing, but it seemed I’d given him a black eye and a broken nose. Who knows how many bruises were hidden under his clothes as well?

“Hey, Ray…” I mumbled. He turned from me to Geoff, then back to his computer screen, without a single word. “Geoff, I…”

“Yeah, yeah, come with me.”

He led me out of the Achievement Hunter office, across the hall, and into Burnie’s empty office. When you were brought to your boss’ boss’ office, you knew immediately you were in deep shit.

“Now, apparently since this all went down on company property, I have to file some stupid ‘incident report’ while Ray takes us to court, claims this is an unsafe work environment, shuts the company down, takes your house, and fucks your woman…” He stopped looking through the stack of papers he’d pulled out of Burnie’s filing cabinet to look at me, giving me that empty glare he always seemed to have. “…That last one being hypothetical, of course. I’m aware of your desolate love life.” He made a ‘jerking off’ hand gesture with that last comment. I gulped nervously as he finally located the forms he needed, placing them in front of me. “You’re just lucky Ray doesn’t plan on placing any charges, so none of that has to happen. Just fill out page 3 and 4, Ray and I will do the rest. Meanwhile, you’re suspended until Wednesday. That gives you nearly a week to sort out your priorities.”

“Thank you, sir,” I replied, nodding my apologies. I solemnly walked back to the office, where Jack and Ryan were now sitting, and I began clearing my desk off, taking anything I’d need before I returned the following week. I got countless dirty looks, but no one said a word. They were probably too angry, or, as my mind liked to think, they were scared of me. I beat up my so-called ‘best friend’ and was spending all of my free time with the ‘retarded Brit’; something had to be wrong with me.

After my desk was nearly empty, save for the decorations I kept on it permanently, I sat down and began filling the forms out. It asked for my personal information, a description of the incident, names of everyone involved, and I signed at the end, basically agreeing that I was responsible for any damages and consequences. The entire thing was a load of bullshit.

I handed the form off to Geoff, and I was on my way. Not a single person said goodbye as I left; I caught Ryan’s eyes briefly, but he looked away as quickly as he could. It hurt, but what could I have done? Saying something would’ve made things worse.

Before heading home, I ran to the grocery store, knowing I needed to pick up a few things. Milk, eggs, bread, nothing out of the ordinary. I grabbed a couple of bags of chips for myself, which would no doubt be gone in two days, and a carton of ice cream as well, also only for myself. Not being able to go to work would leave me a lot of time to play video games, and who does that on an empty stomach?

As I headed towards the checkout with my cart, I passed by the produce section, and I caught sight of the grapes. ‘People like grapes’, I remembered Gavin’s now-famous-thanks-to-a-tshirt saying. God, he said the most ridiculous things, but somehow they always made me laugh. His horrible sense of humour was what I loved most.

At that point, I decided to make a ‘care package’ to bring to him, hoping it’d cheer him up a bit. I grabbed a large gift bag with the British flag on it, filled it with the grapes, two cartons of Cran-Apple juice (his favourite), a few cheap video games I’d heard him mention (hoping he’d invite me over again to play them), and tons of chocolate. I’d managed to find a Minecraft creeper plush as well, so I added that to the bag. I checked out as quickly as I could and rushed home, excited to spend time with my favourite boy.

It really did hurt referring to Gavin as my favourite boy, knowing that Ray had been my best friend for so long. I’d met him over two years ago, and we’d been inseparable ever since. Our friendship then had been comparable to how my friendship with Gavin had become: chilling at home, playing video games, making corny jokes. Maybe it was jealousy that had driven Ray to change so drastically. It felt like so much more, though. Ray treated Gavin like shit, and did whatever he could to get me to leave him alone, no matter how many times he’d failed. After what I’d done, though, I could tell Ray wouldn’t be talking to me for a long time, so really, Gavin was all I had…and vice versa.

I pulled into my driveway, hopping out of the front seat and grabbing the grocery bags that sat in the back, leaving the gift bad I’d prepared. As I climbed the steps up to my front door, I noticed an envelope hanging out of my mailbox. I grabbed it gently with my mouth, using my free hand to open the door and let myself in. I plopped the bags down in the kitchen and sat down on the couch in the adjacent living room, fiddling with the envelope. It had no stamps, no address or anything, only my name, ‘Michael’, scribbled across the front in messy capital letters. I ran my thumb along the seal; it was still wet. Someone had recently visited my house to drop this letter off, and I could only think of one person who would take the time to do that.

I carefully ran my thumb under the seal, tearing the envelope open. To my surprise, the envelope contained four pieces of paper, messy writing covering the fronts and backs. It had to be something important, I knew that. I tossed the envelope beside me, and began reading the hastily-written letter:

‘Cheers, Michael,

As I sit here, writing this letter, debating whether or not I’m actually going to give it to you, I’m reminiscing about my first day of work. God, I was so freaking terrified. I had just moved here from England after being in touch with Geoff for only a few months. He offered me a job, and I quickly accepted before planning anything out. My parents paid for my plane ticket here, and after that, I was on my own. Geoff offered to let me stay at his place, but I declined. I didn’t want to depend on anyone anymore. I’d always felt like a burden, so in my mind, moving to Texas was a sort of freedom.

I remember that first day. I was shaking so hard, I could barely stand up straight. I met Geoff in the front lobby, and he led me into the office, introduced me to you guys. I felt the stares, particularly from Ray, burning into my soul. I could immediately feel the judgments. My God, I knew I’d be the odd one out for a while, but…I thought at least I’d feel somewhat included.  
It’s funny, actually. You screamed at me, tormented me, told me to eff off, yet it never hurt me as much as the whispers I heard throughout the office. I heard Ray whisper to you the first day about me being so nervous. Geoff treated me like a five-year-old from the day I arrived. Jack and Ryan had so much fun talking crap behind my back. You were different. You would occasionally laugh at their comments, but you never said anything bad about me to them; you yelled at me, of course, but I knew you didn’t mean it. That’s why I clung to you. I had no one, but I needed someone. You told me to leave you alone, but I kept coming back. There was a little part of me that said ‘leave him alone, he doesn’t want you around’, but I kept trying, kept hoping you’d let me into your life.

When I invited you over, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’d done it on a whim, so impulsively. I wanted you to think that I was normal, just another guy who loved video games. I’m sure that night left you with so many questions. ‘Why doesn’t he eat?’ ‘Why did he kick me out of his house?’ ‘Did it have to do with the same reason he sometimes leaves the office and shows up days later?’

First of all, yes, I eat. I eat when no one’s looking. Then I run to the bathroom and puke it all out. Why? I’m not sure. It’s definitely not because I’m self-conscious about my weight (in fact, I’m very aware that I need to gain weight). I weigh about 110 right now, my lowest ever…well, not including when I was a child, of course. It’s hard to explain why I do it. In fact, I’ve been trying to explain it for a long time now. I’d practice, as if I was going to tell someone, but I can’t really word it properly. It has to do with taking control of my own body. It feels good, it really does. I eat, I puke, I do it again, and no one can tell me to stop.

That reminds me, when you told me that you’d been in the apartment when I was having my attack…I was full of emotions, but angry wasn’t one of them. First and foremost, I was scared. I was scared that you knew more than I was ready for you to know. I was waiting for the right time to tell you, and that…that was too soon for my liking. I’m going to go ahead and assume you saw the blood under the door. When I left the bathroom, I noticed the bloody water on the floor, with two spots missing, footprints. Your footprints, I presume? I wasn’t intending on spilling the bathwater, but it happened. I’m sorry you had to see it. Second, though, I felt betrayed. I told you to leave, and you didn’t. I guess it makes it easier to explain things, knowing you witnessed it firsthand, but that’s not the point. I trusted you, Michael. I didn’t want you finding out so soon, but I might as well give you all the details now, right? Here goes nothing.

What exactly happens during one of my attacks? Nothing you couldn’t guess. I fall to the floor, stiff. I cry, I scream (usually muffled by something, whatever I can find), I punch whatever surface is closest to me, I hold a knife to my thighs and watch the blood flow…oh, you weren’t expecting that? You wouldn’t want to see my thighs right now. The deep, crooked, countless scars are sickening, even to me. It’s the only place on my body that I knew I’d be able to keep hidden (I’ve been unlucky in the love department for a long time). That knife is my best friend, and I don’t think I could give it up. Sitting in the bathtub, watching the water turn red…it’s so relaxing. I’ve spent hours lying in the tub, and I usually only get out when the bleeding subsides or the water turns cold. There you go, that’s what happens.

And now, to the actual point of this letter. Michael…I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to know these things because I knew that as soon as I told you, things would change. You’d never look at me the same way. That thought, along with everything that’s been going on, has been too much for me. I can’t take it anymore. Now that you know, now that you’ll probably never speak to me again…it’s time for me to go. For good.

I had a decent run on this Earth, and you have, too, so far. Don’t blame yourself. It isn’t your fault, not at all. I want you to keep living your life, as if you never met me (I haven’t made much of an impact on your life, so that shouldn’t be too difficult). I’ve never met anyone as incredible as you. I hope you can change another person’s life as much as you’ve changed mine.

Goodbye, Michael.’

After finishing that letter, I realized I’d just lost my best friend. Gavin…he was gone. Everything I’d ever done for him had just gone down the toilet. My mind was swirling, my head pounding, my heart beating way too fast. I knew one thing, though: there was no time for tears, no time for being angry with myself. It hadn’t said in the letter how he’d taken his life, but I needed to be the first one there. I had to get to his house as quickly as I could and see what had been done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tune in next time to see the (POSSIBLE) conclusion of Abandoned Shack! Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry for this chapter don't hate meeee


	6. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I drove at ungodly speeds just to get to Gavin’s house as quickly as I could. I cut corners, ran stop signs, and nearly hit an old lady crossing the street. The road was blurry, and I felt like I would pass out at any second, but I had to get there as soon as possible, before anyone else. Though I was sure I was only one who knew, and the only one who even cared, I needed to be there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: depression, self-harm, the usual. Most likely the second-last chapter!

I drove at ungodly speeds just to get to Gavin’s house as quickly as I could. I cut corners, ran stop signs, and nearly hit an old lady crossing the street. The road was blurry, and I felt like I would pass out at any second, but I had to get there as soon as possible, before anyone else. Though I was sure I was only one who knew, and the only one who even cared, I needed to be there.

I NEEDED to be there, but I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to walk into his front door and see him hanging in his closet or bleeding in his bathtub. I held onto that last little piece of hope that I could save him, that it wasn’t too late.

My car veered into his driveway, and before I could even park it properly I threw the door open, listening to it slam into the side of his porch. I got out, ran up the porch stairs, tripped over nothing, skinned my knee, and flung myself at his front door. Surprisingly, it wasn’t locked.

I glanced around his living room: empty. The TV was on, but the screen was blank. It was set up to play a video game, but his Xbox was off. I headed down the hallway to my right, reaching the bathroom door first. It was propped open by a towel, and I braced myself before looking inside…

Empty.

The bathroom was empty and spotless. The tub sparkled, and it smelled strongly of cleaning products. Confused, I backed out, closing the door as much as it had been when I found it. 

I moved on to his bedroom, located at the end of the hall. I peeked in, hoping not to catch a glimpse of anything too disturbing. To my surprise, it, too, was empty. The bed was made, the floor was spotless, both odd changes from Gavin’s usual messy room. I’d quickly checked the closets, one on each side of the room. Nothing.

I sighed, sitting down on his bed. I wasn’t anticipating the whole ordeal turning into a game of ‘find the body’. I thought about checking the basement, the only other option left, but my thoughts were broken by a sound. A sound I was quite familiar with.

The sound of an Xbox turning on.

I left the bedroom, quietly and carefully sneaking back down the hallway. Past the bedroom, past the archway that led to the kitchen, and into the living room. My eyes refused to believe what they saw.

“G-…” I couldn’t even say his name.

He turned around, his bright smile glimmering. “Oh, I thought I’d heard you come in, Michael. Sorry, I was just downstairs, I was trying to find something but I’m not quite sure where it is. Come, sit down!”

Behind my back, I pinched my wrist. It had to be a dream, right? “G-…you…”

“What’s wrong?”

My breath hitched. It took a few seconds before the cap on my mind opened up, spilling its contents everywhere. “What the fuck?” I yelled. “I-I come home to a letter saying you killed yourself, and now this? Oh my fucking God…fuck…”

He stood up, facing me. “Yeah? How did that make you feel, Michael?”

I was shocked at his question. I eyed him suspiciously, but he looked at me with an expressionless glare. “Oh my God, was that just a ploy to get me to come h-”

“How do you feel right now, Michael?” he repeated.

I could barely speak. “Lied to, betrayed…how the fucking hell could you do that to me? Did you not realize how that would make me feel? God dammit, Gavin…”

“How the hell do you think I felt when you told me you came back in during my attack? Michael, I thought I could trust you…” His eyes welled up with tears, and as angry as I was…God, his expression was so pitiful.

I did the only thing I could think of at the moment. I walked up to him, slowly but confidently, and I hugged him. I gave him the tightest hug I could. I wrapped my arms around his back, felt his give in to the embrace and wrap around my shoulders. I nuzzled my face into his neck, completely instinctively. I gave him little pecks on his cheek, listening to him giggle noiselessly when I did. “Let me get this straight…” I whispered into his ear, still clinging onto him. “You lied to me about killing yourself just to get me to come to your house?”

“No, not entirely,” he replied. “Truth is, I was going to kill myself today.”

I let go of him, holding him at arms length. “You’re not serious, are you?”

He looked down at his feet, then back up at me. “I dropped that letter off about an hour ago, not expecting you to get it until later. I went down to my basement to grab…what I’d need, but I couldn’t find it. Must’ve left it in England or something.”

“And what would that be?”

He sighed, shaking his head. “That’s not important. All you need to know is that it would’ve gotten the job done quickly and easily. I started to improvise, think of other ways to off myself. I kept digging around, and that’s when I found this…”

He pulled out a sheet of paper, which had been neatly folded up in his back pocket. It contained the same scribbly writing on the letter I’d received earlier in my mailbox. “What is it?”

He looked from the paper to me, his green eyes shimmering. “It’s another letter, one I wrote to you the first day I met you. I never planned on giving it to you, of course, that’s why I kept it in my basement. It was just a way of getting my emotions out, I s’pose.” He held the papers out to me. “You can read it, if you want.”

I smiled. “Is it a happy letter?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I want you to read it to me, then.”

Eyes widening, I watched that goofy grin I loved and so rarely saw appear. He grabbed my hand from off his shoulder and led me over to the old futon he had in his basement. He sat down and I sprawled out, my head in his lap. Clearing his throat, as if he was about to give a speech to the president (or whatever they have in England), he began reading:

‘Cheers, Michael,

If you’re reading this…well, I have no idea how you got your hands on it, because I certainly never gave it to you. Anyway…hello, love. I know it’s a bit creepy for me to write a letter to a coworker after knowing them for less than a day, but trust me, I can tell we’re going to be good friends.

Maybe it’s the way you looked at me, the way you giggled at my nervousness and lack of confidence. Maybe it’s the way you looked in general, your cute freckles and curly hair. Maybe it’s the fact that you were the only person in the office not to make a rude comment about me on my first day. There’s something special about you, Michael.

Anyway, I hope you had a good day. What did you do after work? I watched you drive away in your little blue car (I’m not a stalker, I promise). As soon as everyone was gone, Ray pulled me aside and pinned me to a wall, threatening to hurt me if I kept ‘being all buddy-buddy with’ you. What’s up with him? I told him I’d leave you alone, but I don’t really plan on it. You seem like such a great guy, Michael.

I’m sorry I’m a little clingy. I get attached too easily, I think. I did the same with a friend back home, too. He stopped talking to me, left me for other friends. His name’s Dan, I really think you’d like him. He’s got a great sense of humour, just like you. Anyway, I hope you don’t do the same. I don’t want you to pity me or anything, but to be honest, you’re all I have.

Thanks for not immediately shunning me, love.

Gavin.’


	7. Recover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That letter meant more to me than Gavin would ever know. Just hearing him say that I was all he had…as sad as it was, it really drove me to be all that I could be for him. He saw things in me that I hadn’t, and I hoped I’d done the same, hoped that I was the reason for the smile on his adorable face."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE LAST CHAPTER! I considered writing a short little epilogue, I don't know if I will anymore. Thanks for sticking around! Warnings: mentions of suicide and self-harm.

That letter meant more to me than Gavin would ever know. Just hearing him say that I was all he had…as sad as it was, it really drove me to be all that I could be for him. He saw things in me that I hadn’t, and I hoped I’d done the same, hoped that I was the reason for the smile on his adorable face.

I looked up at him; his eyes were just as watery as mine. “Gavin…”

“Yes?”

I chuckled. “Why do you call me ‘love’?”

He shrugged. “It’s a British thing, I’m just so used to it.” I nodded, my head rubbing against his lap. “Oh…oh, you thought I…”

“No, no…I mean, maybe at first. I mean…do you…?”

He sighed, resting his arm on my chest. “I really don’t know…but I’ve never felt this way about another boy…”

I smiled, reaching up and grabbing his cheeks in my hand, squishing his mouth. “Me neither.”

“Well, we’ll figure it out later. For now…I’m sure you want to talk about the letter I left you earlier.”

I rolled over, burying my face into his stomach. It really wasn’t like me to do that; I was never a fan of physical contact, especially with another guy. I was just so glad to have Gavin there, though. I was so happy he wasn’t gone. At the same time, I was terrified of that letter. I didn’t want to face the truth, but I knew Gavin wouldn’t stop until I knew every last detail. I was having a hard time in that moment staying strong for him. “Nooo, it’s okay…”

“Michael, I need you to understand though…”

I breathed in deeply, and I could feel my body shake as I began to get emotional. Sensing this, Gavin began rubbing my back, and the tears began to soak into his t-shirt. Loud, embarrassing, messy crying, the result of all of my emotions coming out at once. Gavin was surprisingly quiet and relaxed throughout all of this. He was so good at comforting me, knowing exactly what it took to keep me calm. “Gavin I don’t want to understand because the moment I understand is the moment I realize how close I was to losing you today and how close I am to losing you at any moment and I don’t want to live with the fact that all of these things are going on and I can’t do anything to stop it and-”

That’s when he kissed me. He kissed me with all the passion his tiny body held. He somehow completely ignored how disgusting my face looked when all I could focus on was how amazing he looked. His lips caressed mine as his hands held my head up closer to his. Before things got heated, he broke the kiss, without letting go of my head. “I…I didn’t like that very much.”

“Yeah, that felt weird.”

He giggled. “Okay, maybe we’re both straight, then. Maybe we don’t have feelings for each other after all.”

I smiled. “Yeah…”

It was true. That kiss was so…unnatural. Not that Gavin was a bad kisser, of course; he was better than half the women I’d been with. No, it just felt so wrong. I couldn’t see myself being attracted romantically to Gavin; as weird as it sounds, he and his friendship meant too much to me to ruin it with a relationship.

“Michael?” I looked up at him. He smiled, wiping away the rest of the tears that lingered on my face. “Why’d you stick around so long?”

“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know anyone who would’ve done as much for me as you’ve done…”

I sighed. “When I was fourteen, my older brother killed himself. I walked in on him in our basement, where he’d shot himself while everyone was out. The night before, he asked me to talk to him about something important, but thinking he was just being an annoying older brother, I ignored him. I told him to go away, I yelled for him to leave my room, and I went back to my video game. The next day, he was gone. I-I can’t have that happening again.”

He nodded. “I’m sorry…”

“It’s…it’s fine. I’ve had almost twelve years to recover, I’ve accepted it now.”

Moments of silence passed, not a word was spoken. We communicated with soft touches and sad smiles. “Michael?” I heard once again.

Laughing, I replied, “Yes, Gav?”

By his expression I could tell he was bracing to tell me something big. It was such a cute expression, the way his eyebrows furled and the corners of his mouth twitched. Finally, he spoke. “I’ll let you help me. I’ll let you push me as hard as you can until I start to get better. I’ll let you make me eat a full meal without rushing to the bathroom. I’ll let you take away the knife. I’ll let you save me from myself. You just have to promise me one thing.”

“What is it?”

“Teach me how to be good at video games.”

I grinned. “Alright. Where do we begin?”

“Well…I saw you playing this game a while back…Banjo and something? It looked fun, I’ve never played it before though…”

“Banjo and Kazooie? You’ve never played it?!” I exclaimed. That’s when I remembered the gift bag in the back seat of my car; that had been one of the games I put in there. “Oh, Gav, I’ll be right back.”

I jumped up, running out to the car to grab the bag. When I sprinted back in the front door, Gavin greeted me with a quick embrace, his arm around my waist.. “Holy hell, Michael, what happened to your car door?”

I glanced back outside at my car door, where I’d slammed it into his porch. It was still functional, but pretty beat up. “Whatever, it adds to the character.”

I grabbed his arm and pulled him onto the couch in the living room. “Oh, Michael, what is this? You didn’t have to get me anything…” There were tears in his eyes again, but this time they were of genuine happiness.

“No, it’s nothing, really. Take a look!”

He began pulling the things out, one by one, starting with the bag of grapes. “People like grapes!” he exclaimed.

“Indeed, they do,” I chuckled.

He then took out the two jugs of Cran-Apple juice, or as I called it, ‘Crapple’. “Oh gosh, these won’t last very long, that’s for sure!”

“I still can’t believe you drink that stuff, it’s so gross!”

He laughed, removing the countless chocolate bars and bags of chocolate. “Michael, chocolate’s my weakness…how could you?”

“I hope you know, you’re eating every last piece of that chocolate, whether you like it or not!”

He raised an eyebrow. “I can understand me needing to eat, but I don’t think it’s humanly possible to eat all of this!”

I smiled. “Fine, fine, I’ll take some of it off of you.”

Having emptied most of the bag, he then noticed the creeper plush I’d bought. He took it out and immediately pulled it into his arms, hugging it tightly. “It’s so cuuuute!” he gushed.

Finally he took out the video games: Banjo and Kazooie, Minecraft, and Assassin’s Creed. The last two could wait; I wanted to show him a game I’d grown up with, and walk him through it step-by-step.

The hours spent playing that video game turned into days spent playing all the games we owned which turned into months of Gavin slowly recovering. It was tough, so tough, but I let him know that it was okay to cry. It was okay to scream into a pillow. I took away his knife, though, something he was completely against. I told him to talk it out with me. I’d always be there. ‘So will the knife’, he shouted, but I didn’t reply. Months and months passed, and soon he didn’t think about self-harm. Those months were a living nightmare, eventually leading to me moving in with him to keep a close eye on him. One week in particular was the worst; he downed an entire bottle of aspirin and had to be taken to the hospital to get his stomach pumped. I could tell that event changed him. ‘I don’t want to die,’ he whispered to me. ‘That was so scary, Michael.’ I tried getting him into therapy, but he refused. He started on antidepressants, but they didn’t cooperate with his system, giving him terrible migraines. I think we both realized at the same time that nothing had done more for him than me. I was the only method of treating him and getting him through his recovery. I was his therapy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, it means a lot!


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